Wedding customs · 8 min read
Chinese Wedding Traditions and What They Mean
A Chinese wedding is less a single ceremony than a run of smaller ones, spread over several weeks. Most couples today keep some and leave others out, and that is normal.
This page goes through the main traditions in the order they happen, with what each one means. It is written for couples deciding what to keep, and for the family and guests on the side that did not grow up with any of it.
There is no single Chinese wedding. Customs differ between Cantonese, Hokkien, Teochew, Hakka and northern families, between Hong Kong, Singapore and San Francisco, and between one household and the next. What follows is what is common. What your family does is whatever your family says it does.
Before the wedding
Choosing the date
Many families pick the wedding date from the Chinese almanac, or ask someone to do it for them, looking for a day considered favourable for the couple. Some families care a great deal about this. Others choose a Saturday the venue has free. Ask your parents early, because the date drives everything else.
The betrothal: guo da li
Some weeks before the wedding, the groom’s family formally presents gifts to the bride’s family: food, wine, sweets, and often money and jewellery. The bride’s family keeps some and returns the rest, along with gifts of their own. It is called guo da li (过大礼), and it marks the point at which the two families are formally agreed.
Setting the bridal bed
A few days before, the couple’s bed is made up with new bedding, often red, by a relative thought to have good fortune — typically someone with a long marriage and children. Dried fruit and nuts are scattered on it as a wish for children. The custom is called an chuang (安床).
The hair combing ceremony
On the night before the wedding, in their own homes, the bride and groom each have their hair combed by a parent or a relative with good fortune, with a blessing spoken for each stroke. It marks the step from child to adult. Families often eat sweet rice dumplings together afterwards.
The wedding morning
Fetching the bride and the door games
The groom and his friends arrive at the bride’s home to collect her, and find the door blocked by her bridesmaids. To get in, they have to pass a series of good-natured challenges and hand over red envelopes. It is loud, it is meant to be funny, and it shows the groom is willing to work for it.
The tea ceremony
The couple serves tea to their parents and elders, one family at a time, and is given red envelopes or jewellery in return. It is the moment the two families formally accept the marriage, and the one tradition most couples keep even when they drop everything else.
The Chinese wedding tea ceremony, step by step →
The banquet
The wedding dinner is the public celebration: round tables of ten, and eight or more courses served one after another, each dish chosen for what it symbolises. Guests hand in a red envelope as they arrive. During the meal the couple goes from table to table to thank everyone, and the bride often changes outfit once or twice.
How much to put in a red envelope →
Colours, symbols and clothes
- Red stands for joy and good fortune, and is everywhere: clothes, envelopes, invitations, bedding. Gold usually goes with it.
- 囍, “double happiness”, is the wedding symbol, hung on doors and printed on almost everything.
- The dragon and the phoenix stand for the groom and the bride, and appear together on clothes, candles and cakes.
- Traditional dress for the bride is red: an embroidered two-piece qun kwa in Cantonese families, or a fitted qipao. Many brides wear it for the tea ceremony and a white gown for the rest.
After the wedding
Traditionally the bride returns to visit her parents three days after the wedding, with her husband and gifts, as a married daughter. Many couples now do this on the wedding day itself, or skip it.
Which traditions couples keep
There is no correct number. A rough picture, not a survey:
- Kept by most couples: the tea ceremony, the banquet, red envelopes, and 囍 somewhere.
- Kept by many: the door games, a red dress for part of the day, a date the parents are happy with.
- Depends on the family: the betrothal gifts, the bridal bed, the hair combing, the return visit.
A useful way to decide: ask each set of parents which one thing would matter most to them. It is usually a short list, and it is rarely the thing you assumed.
If your families come from different cultures
The side that did not grow up with these customs will not know when to stand, what the envelopes are for, or why there are peanuts on the bed. None of that is a problem if someone tells them beforehand.
Put two or three sentences about each tradition you are keeping on your wedding website or in the order of the day. Then have whoever is hosting explain each step as it happens, in both languages.
How to plan a Chinese–English bilingual wedding →
Questions people ask
Do we have to do all of these?
No. Very few couples do. Choose the ones that mean something to your families and do those properly.
Which tradition matters most?
For most families, the tea ceremony. It is the part where the couple thanks the people who raised them, and it is the one elders most often ask for.
Why is everything red?
Red is the colour of joy and good luck in Chinese culture. White and black are traditionally mourning colours, which is why they are avoided as the main colour of a wedding.
What are the three letters and six rites?
The classical outline of a Chinese marriage: a set of formal letters and steps running from the proposal to the wedding day. What families practise now is a much shortened version, and most of the traditions on this page descend from those steps.
What should a guest bring?
A red envelope with money, handed in at the banquet. Here is how much.
Explain the day to both families
Tea & Vows turns the tea ceremony into five bilingual documents — an invitation, a ceremony guide, a guest FAQ, a timeline and a host script — so the side of the family that is new to all this knows what is happening. Building and previewing them is free.
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